12 THINGS TO NEVER SAY TO THE PARENT OF A GERDLING

RMacLean
November 2005

Every parent of a GERDling has heard it all. Well meaning, friends, family and even passers-by will say anything they can think of to try to help. It would seem as though they feel if they can minimize the child's condition or convince the parents that the baby is fine that is helping.  In many cases the baby is actually far from fine and although the comments are usually said with the best of intentions they actually make most parents feel worse. It makes them feel like no one understands and totally invalidated. There are a few things that top the list as the most aggravating and insulting things you can say to a reflux parent.

They are:

1. Insert baby's name here, looks so healthy, he/she can't be that sick.
2. Oh my, look how big Insert baby's name here  is getting. (when the parent knows the baby hasn't gained anything from the last pediatrician appointment)
3. It's not that bad, it's just a little spit up.
4. Stop worrying, they'll eat when they are hungry.
5. My son/daughter was a picky eater too.
6. You're overreacting, all babies spit up.
7. Insert baby's name here  isn't in pain, it's just a little colic.
8. It's just a little gas.
9. This is because you didn't breastfeed.
10. You should switch to formula, he/she is allergic to your breastmilk.
11. Babies don't get heartburn.
12. Reflux is nothing.

Some more supportive alternatives to the above could be:

1. Insert baby's name here, looks pretty good now, is having a good day?
2. How's Insert baby's name here weight doing? Any weight gains lately?
3. Has the spitting up gotten any better yet?
4. Mealtimes must be so stressful for you, are you able to get Insert baby's name here to eat enough?
5. We had a little trouble with getting our child to eat at that age, but certainly nothing like what you are going through. I can't imagine how difficult it must be.
6. I know that spitting up is common in babies, how is Insert baby's name here condition from that?
7. I'm quite familiar with colic but how is his/her condition different?
8. He/she sounds gassy, I'm sure that's not helping him/her feel any better.
9. Perhaps a more hypoallergenic formula would help?
10. Milk allergies can make reflux worse, have you tried eliminating milk products from your diet?
11. I didn't realize babies could get heartburn.
12. Can you tell me more about the severity of his/her condition?

The second set of comments are much more supportive. Help let the parents know that although you may not understand how difficult things are you really want  to understand and won't minimize their struggles. Let them know you care and are concerned.