You guys, I just cannot handle this...we cannot even leave the house anymore. Clothes, hair, but most importantly SHOES. As much as I live in flip flops and love to be barefoot, you simply CANNOT get thru life by throwing a full-on FIT over shoes. I was so irritated today that I was ready to have her committed.
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We had a pretty good day today. I had to be at work at 11:30 and only had to work until 2, so it was an easy day for me. Dave and Ava went to McDonald's to play, where she miraculously ate almost 1/2 a Happy Meal Dave tells me. I got off right aobut the time they got to the super pet store right across the bridge from work, so I met them there. Now, mind you, I have 2 dogs, one fish tank, and a betta in a bowl to take care of. We ended up with fiddler crabs yesterday, so today I had to create a habitat for Mr. Crabs. Got all his stuff and we had a blast...this is the best pet store EVER. Got home, got Mr. Crabs settled into his new tidal pool that I built for him, and put Gary the snail into the fish tank. It was soooooo nice outside today, first day that it was back in the 70s again, so we decided to hit the park.

Crocs have been Ava's ONLY footwear of choice for a long time now...almost 1 1/2 years. Now, the little butt will NOT wear shoes at ALL, and SCREAMS at the sight of them. Not even the threat of leaving the park (this was all still in the parking lot) would convince her to put them on. I finally literally had to wrestle w/ her in the parking lot, and she laid down and immediately took them off. I got them back on her and had to carry her screaming butt to the playground, w/ her throwing shoes every second step.:hairpull: :hairpull: I was about to lose my mind at this point. Got them on her again and actually got her to walk the last 20 steps to the playground, only b/c there was a dog that she wanted to see. Get to the playground, and she immediately takes them off and THROWS them over the fence.:favorites21: :favorites21: :favorites21: I swear, you guys...we pick our battles with Ava, but this is KILLING me! WHY must things be SO difficult, when NOTHING is ever easy as it is???:hissyfit:

I am just so sick of this, and things continue to get worse, rather than better. We work on it in OT, but nothing is helping. I feel like all I ever do is whine and moan, but I'm seriously losing my mind. I cannot take a naked, barefoot child out in public.

WHAT can I do? Does anyone have ANY suggestions for me...please???

I am so sorry that things are still bad:hug: . Will she wear slippers? Or are those to much like shoes? I can't tell you how many times KC has fought us on shoes. We will put slippers on and he will wear them for awhile then take them off and toss them to the front seat.

hugs lindsey
i wil come back and reply later properly when my syco calms down

Have you tired to bribe her? I know that sounds awful - but, it might work.

I was also thinking, have you and Dave ever thought of video taping Ava and then showing them to her doctors or even the insurance people that you are fighting with? It just might be what is needed to get them to understand the urgency and importance of getting Ava those appointments sooner.

I don't know what else to offer - really other than a :hug:

Why is it getting worse?

I don't know what to say Lindsay, but obviously what you are doing is NOT working.

Are you too easy on her?

Are you yelling too much and not following through on what you say?

Is their any way you can reason with her?

What suggestions is the OT giving to you?


WHY won't she keep the shoes on? Can you let her run barefoot in the park?

Are you staying calm when you talk to her?

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

I wished I could help you. Maybe you need a babysitter for a day or two!

Have you tried flip flops with her? or sitting down about five or six pairs of diff styles of shoes and letting her choose? (I have to say I am soo lucky there carson is shoe obsessed he loves them! he even chases me with mine for me to put them on and his brother) I would try to make everything her choice and on her terms? You prob have tried that already though...... I have had to do that with carson it helped alot! with his jackets and clothes that he didn't want to wear now he goes and puts a jacket on that he wants, brings me the pants out of 2 pair that he wants, etc... no fights. With him it was establishing his own personality and he needed to have some say so.

Btw the fiddler crab... we have one in our mid sized tank.. they are escape artist just a little warning.... I have found him on the top of the cover I poke him w/ a pencil till he goes back into the tank, I have also been cleaning the filter out and hes jumped out at me pinching..... they are soo cool and loads of fun... especially when they shed their shell... wyatt thought ours had a baby until I took the shell out to show him (don't do what I did though and throw it away they are supose to eat them YUCK! it helps them grow there new one)

Easier said than done, but you have to stay strong for Ava. Your a great Mommy and are trying to do everything for her that you possibly can. My only advice is to try not to give in to her. Do not let her do the things that she wants to unless she does what you want first. Always remember that your the parent. I think that the video tape idea is a really good one if you haven't already tried it. I really hope someone can help you out soon! :hug:

Thanks, guys. I have NO idea why things have gotten so much worse, but I do think we're going to start an Ava video for the dev. ped and neuro...OT suggested that.

As for the bribes, she just doesn't "get" things like that. She doesn't understand threats, either. I don't think she "gets" quite a bit of what we say, kwim? Timeout, taking things away...none of that has any impact on her.

I found that yelling was useless...it's like she doesn't even hear me...she just looks almost "blank". We're definitely not too easy, but we're also not Nazis w/ her, kwim? And I try so hard to pick my battles, but when it comes to safety, there are certain things that just HAVE to be done, ya know?

I really, really, really hope she qualifies for the school board preschool...that would make things so much easier on us, b/c w/ the way she is now, OT doesn't think she could function in a school setting...I'd hate to have my toddler "expelled" from preschool. And Jean...wanna babysit??? It's nice and warm down here, LOL!

LOL about the crabs, Ang...I googled and found that they're escapees. They're in their own private little "tidal pool" tank now...it's pretty rad, actually. Sloped sand, brackish water, a huge rock w/ little holes to hide in, some shells...they're stoked! I'm gonna have to take some pix.

Uck, Lindsey, I'm sorry it's so tough. I think the video is a good idea. Also, I like the idea of picking her own shoes.

What about telling her, "no shoes, no park" and taking her home if she won't put on her shoes? I'd hate to see her step on glass or nails or something. Maybe just a new pair of crocs might do it? Just some thoughts...

Hang in there- :hug:

Linds ... is it as much about control with her as sensory issues? Take her to Payless or some place with inexpensive shoes and let her pick out anything she wants ... with the stipulation she must wear them. Bedroom slippers, sandals, furry boots ... anything would be better than no shoes or doing battle every time she needs to wear them. Just a thought.

I am lucky in this respect. Catherine loves shoes.

I'm so sorry, it sounds just so tough to deal with. I don't know how you do it with school etc. You are such a FANTASTIC mum! We are not quite up to the stage with Josh yet.

I'm sorry i don't really have any useful suggestions but i think the video is a great idea :hug: :hug: :hug:

I really, honestly don't think it's about control. She seems to be physically (and mentally) PAINED by clothes and shoes, and touching her head/hair. Even in bed at night, I can't play with her hair or anything, she acts like it hurts. I just can't even put myself in her shoes...yes, I have a few bras that royally pi$$ me off, and I hate when pants are too tight, but that's different.

I just don't even know. Her shoes are all lined up in her closet, but she shows no interest in them or clothes. I've always dreamed of playing dress up with her, but Halloween was such a nightmare that I've stopped trying, kwim?

I guess it's just something we have to deal with and hope it gets better as she gets older???

i'm sorry lindsey.. i cant imagine how difficult it is.. because like you said the bribes ,threats,, etc dont work,, i guess its like reflux ya know if it hurts they dont want to eat, well if her clothes make her feel "pain and uncomfortable" i dont know what you do to fix that... i mean i always learned in child psychology with children you let them choose... ya know but you give them two choices like with the shoes , say you can wear this pair or that pair... but i get what your saying she dont want to wear any of them no matter what.. my mom took care of a foster kid and he couldn stand to put a shirt on if it had a tag in it.. like he made her cut all the tags out of shirts cuz he said it just made him feel "weird" so i mean these "sensory" issues are very real but i dont know how you go about fixing them except maybe with age it will decrease. :hug: :hug:

I have bad news for you; the terrible twos. It just hit us here big time too. It is definitely somewhat a control issue. But, that being said


every single year I buy at least 6 snowsuits, a dozen boots, etc. I take them home, and maiya has fits. ANd then, I find the right one- and she never ever peeps again- no more struggles. It is also a big sensory issue- i know, i am the same way. SO now i know which boots (fork over 60 bucks every year), what types of coats, hats and a very specific type of no seam sock

Yup, i go thru hoops to find the right fit but when i do, life is so much better

I could never ever wear sandals, flip flops, crocs, etc. They rub on my feet and drive me nuts.
For maiya too, she always needs socks and something that really supports her ankle so the foot does not move around in there- making it a sensory nightmare.

Maiya now can tell me if a shoe is comfy or not (but beware of the two year old manipulation and lies). I dont believe in forcing her - only a mom of a child with sensory integration dysfunction can appreciate that it jus tdoes not work that way. My mom was very stern with me- and just yelled and forced me- and i was miserable. Yes she has to wear shoes- no negotiation ont that, but can you try a completely different shoe that she picks out with you and agrees to? That has worked for us-but i have to hunt in dozens of stores, take them home, and then the princess lets me know, and then i return everything. Every season i go thru this, but it sure beats hours of screaming every day KWIM?

when i say it is a control issue- i dont mean to imply that this is why she is doing it. No- she is uncomfortable and cant stand it, but even if she was fine, she would occasionally throw fits like this as all toddlers seem to.
So find something that she is more comfortable in, let her pick it, and she will also feel like she is controlling the situation. ANd when it is time to put them on the next day, rant and rave about the shoes Ava picked and Ava wanted, and what big girl shoes they are, and how beautiful they are (only once you know she is comfortable in them)

I hope this helps


jojo

Linds - I am not sure. I bet things will get easier when she can tell you what is bothering her.

((((HUGS))))

I'm sorry things are going so bad right now!! Just remember, you are doing the best you guys can do with her!!! Keep on trying!!!

:hug:

Hugs Linds:hug: I don't have any great advice, Connor does not like shoes either but will wear them when we are out. As soon as we get in the car or home they are off. He wo'nt wear them at the park either because he doesn't like when the sand gets in them. He doesn't mind walking in the sand just not with shoes on. I have always let him take them off as long as he was in the sand but if he was going to run around in the grass he has to put them back on. He also loves his crocks and prefers them over anything else! I wish I had some great advice for you! It's hard enough to have a toddler (terrible 2's3's) but add sensory stuff in there and :banghead: I remember out OT told me once that an older child described what touching something felt like and he said it hurt It sounds crazy to us but I guess to them it really does feel like pain:sad5: I like the idea of video taping her so you can show what goes on. Hang in there you are doing a great job:hug:

I'm so sorry you are going through this! My son has a thing with socks and the feet on his blanket sleepers...he will cry and scream and pull on them till they are off...I can't keep socks on him unless he is wearing shoes but I have found that he loves his warm soft fuzzy slippers and I can usually get them on him without too much of a struggle.

I'm sorry, I know it's not much help!
:hug:

lindsey first big hugs

do they do ABA therapy over in the US if so perhaps look into it its realy intense therapy for autistic and borderline autistic kids they not only do the therapy with the cild but also teach the parents how to deal with there austistic child and give stratergies and plans to work around melt downs might be an idea to look into it

lindsey first big hugs

do they do ABA therapy over in the US if so perhaps look into it its realy intense therapy for autistic and borderline autistic kids they not only do the therapy with the cild but also teach the parents how to deal with there austistic child and give stratergies and plans to work around melt downs might be an idea to look into it

Harry was *exactly* like this with shoes a couple of years ago - we eventually got through it, but then something else takes over. You should try some visual aids with Ava, and start a visual timetable. you can include things like wearing shoes on it. You will get meltdowns to start with but ASD kids (which I honestly think she may well be) like rules and feel more secure with them and everntually it will become an accepted part of routine.

You can also never make sudden changes/decisions or act spontaneously :-( and have to prepare them for everything to avoid these huge tantrums etc.

(((hugs))) It has been a steep learning curve and we are still struggling here with Harry but some things have def helped.

kate x

I've heard of ABA, Amy, but I have to admit that I know nothing about it...something I probably need to look into!

Thank you, Kate. So you guys are still learning, huh? How did you get "used" to this? I know Harry has Asperger's...of the whole spectrum, Ava fits the Asperger's profile best. Dave was googling several months ago, came out of the office, and told me that he "found" Ava...it was Asperger's. I'm OK with the fact that she's "different"...I have been for a long time now, but I just really need some strategies to DEAL with this...it's so hard! Daily life is NOT easy right now.

I hate complaining, you guys...thanks so much for listening to me.

Lindsay, if Ava's issues are sensory based I do think any type of behavioral approach, ABA or whatever is going to solve the problem. To a child with severe sensory issues wearing her shoes or having her hair touch etc. may be so uncomfortable it is painful for them. A behavioral approach will try to change the behavior by using positive or negative reinforcement but I doubt Ava would want to endure the torture of wearing shoes just b/c she is positively reinforced for tolerating them KWIM?

Does her OT know anything about the Wilbarger protocol or know another OT that does? It may be something worth trying if it hasn't been already. I believe there is a connection between reflux and sensory issues and with chidlren with prolonged or severe issues. I have seen kids whose sensory issues really get bad if their reflux goes through a severe period.

You know, Lindsey, I was thinking about your little Ava, and wondering, could some of her behavioral issues be due to Reglan side effects? It was my understanding Reglan could cause anxiety and restlessness......I hope I'm not overstepping here....it's just another angle I was thinking about.....:hug:

:hug: I am so sorry that you are going through this. I think JoJo and Pam said it best. You are not going to be able to get her to tolerate something that is just really uncomfotable for her. I think you best luck is going to be searching for shoes that she may find more comfortable and working on the sensory issues.

I don't mean to be rude, but do you have any other option in OT? Yours sounds like she is in over her head with Ava. It does not really sound like she is trying to address the sensory issues with Ava. Even after you get to the developmental ped and the neuro and have some sort of diagnosis, OT is going to be the disapline to actually work on the daily living aspects.

I agree with Pam I really don't think the behavioral 'tricks' are going to work. I think the issue has to be 'treated' for it to get any better.

Thanks VERY much you guys...Pam, it's just exactly like you described...no bribe, no threat, no cookie, sticker, etc. is going to convince Ava to wear shoes/clothes...it is honestly physically painful for her.

I do love our OT, but yes, I feel like more could be done. We've tried to implement brushing several times now, and it is just a JOKE...not going to happen. She's never mentioned Wilbarger, but I know how much success Leigh and Iain have had with it. We need WAY more help than any "magical behavior fix" is going to do for us, kwim?

Lindsey, have you asked about having extra OT sessions "in clinic" in addition to the at home? They have much more equipment that they are able to use for the children when they are having OT at the centers. There's also the play therapy classes that are available. Is there any way that OT can be increased to 2x a week or 3x?

:hug: