Hi-
I was wondering when you first noticed your daughter's lack of affection? My daughter Sarah is 13 months and is not affectionate- she doesn't like to be hugged or kissed- always pulling away. She rarely comes to me and never asks to be held. SHe does make some eye contact. She seems more attached to the dog than any of us. I am concerned that she may have autism. The developmental ped said it was too earlier to tell. What has your experience been if you don't mne me asking

Karie,

You just described Catherine perfectly. Although lately, she has discovered that I will protect her and she clings to me when something intrudes on her little world (loud voices, sudden movements, ringing telephone, opening doors, things like that). She, too, loves all things fur-bearing and has always been exceptionally gentle with our pets.

Not one of her doctors or therapists has ever mentioned autism to us.

Karie,

Please ask me anything... my life is pretty much an open book when it comes to my kids and all I have been through with them.

With Jessie, I would say I began wondering about her lack of affection when she was quite young... probably around 5-6 months old (it was so long ago... hard to remember exact things). She never really wanted to be held. She was perfectly happy sitting in her walker or laying on the floor. As she got older, probably 14-16 months old, she just wasn't affectionate. She didn't give kisses or hugs. Since she was my first child, I didn't have anything to compare her behavior to, but something in me always felt that things just weren't right. She never really socialized or played with toys. She just seemed to make messes, climb everything in the house, and play with all the appliances. Then once she lost her little bit of speech she had (five words) at 18 months, she really seemed to be even more distant. Like Lesley said about Catherine, Jessie did learn that Mommy and Daddy were protectors, but the affection wasn't there.

With James I see everyday how much I missed with Jessie. He is very loving, loves to be held, gives kisses... it makes me sad. Refresh my memory... is Sarah in OT? That is what helped Jessie tremendously. Now she gives hugs and kisses and her new thing is telling me that I am her friend. It warms my heart.

I am sorry that the dev ped says it is too early to tell... I tend to disagree, but I am not a doctor. There was an autism story on our local news today and they said that some peds won't do any kind of testing until 18 months... that seems to be the magic number for the younger kids. I guess from my experience, I wish somebody had listened to me sooner and we could have started Jessie in therapy earlier, but oh well... that's the past.

Again, feel free to ask me anything. I have found over the years that other parents who have been down a particular road are the best resources (i.e., all the wonderful people at IRD). Hope to chat with you again soon and please keep me posted on Sarah. She is such a cutie!

Karie,

Since she was my first child, I didn't have anything to compare her behavior to, but something in me always felt that things just weren't right. She never really socialized or played with toys. She just seemed to make messes, climb everything in the house, and play with all the appliances. Then once she lost her little bit of speech she had (five words) at 18 months, she really seemed to be even more distant. Like Lesley said about Catherine, Jessie did learn that Mommy and Daddy were protectors, but the affection wasn't there.

I am sorry that the dev ped says it is too early to tell... I tend to disagree, but I am not a doctor. There was an autism story on our local news today and they said that some peds won't do any kind of testing until 18 months... that seems to be the magic number for the younger kids. I guess from my experience, I wish somebody had listened to me sooner and we could have started Jessie in therapy earlier, but oh well... that's the past.



Marcie, Hobbes was like Jessie in some ways except he was/is always affection. He loved hugs and kisses. With Hobbes, he started at 18 months to lose what liitle word he did have. Like cup,pup, ball, Ma, Da. They were gone. He also started to stop responding to his name and making eye contact. He had loved going what to other kids and trying to repond to them before he was 18 but that too stopped. He lacked the ability to play with his toys and us. He now climbes every thing in the house and applicance that we have. He loves jumping.

The only way I know something wa swrong was b/c of his speech not being there. He was not talking any more than 2 words at a year and then he losed these aswell at 18 mnths. Our ped would not listen to me and said that he would be fine. Our ped still doesn't say that speech is important to be look at at right away! I to think tha tif they would have listen to me Hobbes would be better...but like you said that is the past!

Thank you for sharing Jessie's story. It does help me alot to hear about others like Hobbes!

thank you so much for your response. Sarah's GI doctor actually mentioned autism to us. We have seen a dev ped but she wasn't that helpful and just said to follow up in 6 months. We go to OT and PT. But in OT we mainly work on feeding therapy and sensory issues. I feel the same way you described. Even when she was 6 months old I felt like there was something wrong- she just didn't smile that much and was never excited to see me. I just don't know if there is anything else I should be doing to help her. SHe will sit on your lap for a short period of time while you read her a book but otherwise no real interaction with people. She does recognize people- she recognized my parents after not seeing them for 2 months. She really seems to have no attachement to me- sometimes she would rather be held by me than other people but she certainly doesn't get upset when I leave. I just don't know if I am overreacting.
Is there anything else I should be doing for her?

By no means are you overreacting. Listen to your gut. You are her mother and you know when something is wrong. I am so glad to hear she is in OT and PT. As for working on the sensory issues, what does the OT do with her in her therapy session and what do they have you doing at home with Sarah? I so wish I had started early like you have with Sarah... that is a great thing! For us the last three years we have been working with Jessie on top of all the therapy she has gotten. It has become a way of life for us and now with James it continues. It is so much easier (in my opinion) to work with the kids when they are young because they are more willing to play (as we call therapy) than an older child who is already set in their ways.

Is Sarah developing any speech? Right now we have James in speech and that therapist works on feeding and his OT works strictly on sensory in hopes it will help with his feeding. It might be worth checking into to see if the OT could work more on sensory and have a speech therapist work on feeding.

Some of the things our OT has us working on at home is lots of crawling over pillows/cushions, climbing up slides/stairs, pushing heavy objects (walker toys weighted down with phone books), playing in a ball pit (yes I have one in my house - excellent sensory activity), playing with shaving cream, walking outside in the grass/on concrete barefooted... anything that requires him to use his senses.

Well I hope this helps. Unfortunately sometimes it does feel like everything we do has a purpose... I have to make a point at times to just let the kids be kids and have fun. Not everything has to be an exercise or a lesson. I really hope Sarah overcomes her sensory issues and is able to connect with you and other people. Jessie was probably about 2 1/2 or so before I finally felt a true connection with her. It feels like an eternity waiting for it and it hurts so bad at times, but when that day does finally come all the hard work is so worth it. Hang in there and just know you are doing great by listening to your heart and getting Sarah the help she needs. Take care and please keep me posted on Sarah.

thanks for the help
Sarah babbles some and seems to know the words dog, bird and tree. We are going to see speech therapy in September. We work on sensory things with the OT- ball pit, climbing over things, trying to get her to interact with us. It is just so hard not knowing what the future will be like for her and if she will start showing some affection. My husband hardly ever interacts with her I think because it is hard for him since she doesn't give much back. So everything is left to me- sometimes I feel like a single parent.
Thanks for your help and support

Karie,

What you said about not knowing what the future holds and the what-ifs have caused me many sleepless nights. I still worry daily about Jessie and now James is causing me to worry too. It is such a long, slow road when it comes to therapy. For us, it would takes months sometimes to see a little bit of progress, but then there were times too when Jessie would just blossom. When I look back I often wonder how I made it through those difficult and frustrating times.

I am so sorry to hear your about your husband's lack of interaction with Sarah. My husband actually use to be great when it came to interacting with Jessie... he would wrestle with her and play real rough, which was actually a good thing for her because she craved that input. My husband, however, was in denial for a while when the therapist started mentioning autism. I pretty much made the decision myself to put Jessie in special ed classes at 3 yrs old... my husband was less than thrilled, but once he saw Jessie making progress in her speech, making friends and socializing, he actually started going over to the school to have lunch with her and just be with her because he was just so thrilled. My husband did say the other night that he thinks Jessie could be more affectionate with us, but he will take what he can get... because it is so much better than it use to be. Jessie is not one to sit down and watch t.v. with us... she bounces around the whole time. But she is loving in her own special way and that is perfect for us.

I am so glad to hear Sarah will be starting speech in September and it sounds like they are doing some great things in OT. Would your husband be willing do some sensory activities with Sarah just to have some interaction with her... maybe bouncing on a ball or playing outside in the grass. I know what you mean about feeling like a single parent... I feel that way a lot. I am the one that takes the kids to therapy, doctor's appts, etc. The only time my husband took Jessie to therapy was when I was in the hospital having my middle daughter. He has never taken James to therapy. It is so hard when you feel alone and having to deal with all the unknowns. Hang in there! Just know you have an ear here if you need to vent... I use to find so much comfort in talking to other mom's at the therapy office who had been through similar experiences. Take care and please keep me posted!

Karie,
I just wanted to say that Eric's speech was behind. He was evaluated when he was 1 year and his level was that of a 6 month old.
Eric also HATE to be held or touched. Kisses!?! NO WAY! and hugs were even worse. Diaper changing was a battle and a half, and he spent most of his first year pushing and kicking people away. He also just liked to break things and make messes. The way he played was I picked every thing up and put things away neatly and he got things out and threw them around. This was his job, and boy let me tell ya he didn't like it when I slacked off on my end of the bargain.

Just recently around 18 months old he changed little by little. He likes tickle time and hugs. He still won't ask for a hug, but will tolerate it, and he gives hugs now too from time to time, even to strangers. He lets me touch his face now and enjoys brushing his teeth (this used to be torture) he still isn't too found of kisses but he does it and likes to blow kisses a lot.

And his speech AHHHHHHH! He is a little talking machine! I thought it would NEVER happen

Anyway long story short,
he's come out of his shell somewhat, and he finally lets me cuddle him and read books to him, and all that wonderful close stuff.

Nope, no autism here,
but there was a time when his behavior was getting questioned. Keep on doing what you do, and give her time. She may just surprise you like Eric did me.

You guys are describing maiya exactly. I never get hugs or kisses or cuddles. This weekend, a friend of mine's baby came up to me and snuggled with me for 15 minutes, and finally fell asleep. I cried and cried, never knowing just how much i missed that.


The thing is maiya is very sociable in a way. She loves to see people, just no hugs or kisses, and her language is non existent for the most part.


I am thinking this is a gerd thing, i dont think it is autism. Maybe i am in denial

JoJo, I agree w/ you completely. Ava is the same way, not much of a snuggler, never voluntarily hugs or cuddles w/ us, but she is extremely social. She's not walking yet at 15 1/2 mos, but her speech is very advanced, which makes me seriously doubt autism. However, until she was about 10 months old, I worried about her lack of eye contact and the way she seemed sort of detached from dh and I. She never went thru a real period of separation anxiety either. At that time, I wondered about hearing issues,etc, just b/c she never seemed very involved. That all changed, but she is still not very snuggly w/ us.

Like you said JoJo, I think it's b/c she's uncomfortable w/ the reflux and just doesn't want to be messed w/ most of the time. When I don't feel good, I don't want to be touched either and just want to be left alone, so I now understand what she's going thru. Today was one of those days, and it makes me feel like she doesn't want me and that I'm failing her b/c there's nothing I can do that I'm not already doing to make her more comfortable, kwim? Hard day today, sorry for venting on your thread!

I also want to say how much I love that pic of Sarah in the hat...She looks like a beautiful, sophisticated little lady! Too cute!