Is this weird?
I find myself almost in a panic when I think, "What if all the tests come back normal?"
and then when I think about all the abnormal possibilities I'm more relaxed, and say "We'll handle what ever is going on just fine."


The UGI is next on the list, and I find myself waking at night thinking, "what if he swallows fine and doesn't even reflux and everything goes down normally?" and then my heart starts pounding and I can't get to sleep until I convince myself that something will show during the test.
This just seems odd to me. Please tell me I'm not the only one with this strange and backwards panic disorder!

That and why am I thinking about it all the time? I mean my dreams can't even take it away. I'm trying so hard to keep busy thinking about other things. Like yesterday I decided to plant some more pretties in my yard, and the whole time while digging and stuff I was still thinking about Eric's tummy.

Maybe I need a break. Maybe I need to quit reading and posting for a while.
Ya know, like when you are addicted to something and it effects you negatively and you want to quit, but you constantly keep yourself around it anyway. I don't know, but I just wanted to see if I was the only one that desperately wants something to be wrong with their child. (ewww that doesn't sound right, but you know what I mean)

Minnie, I know EXACLTY what you mean. I just knew that Em's scope results would be normal and there would be nothing but me saying something is wrong to convince the dr.'s. She did have something come back for the scope, and I was *glad*. Then I was like why in the h*ll am I glad that something is wrong with my child? But it is validating and it gives you answers and a direction ot go in to help her. With normal tests, you just keep grasping at straws hoping you hit on something. You even start to doubt yourself..."maybe this is just how he/she is..high strung. Bad behavior..." I have been there. Emily had 2 upper GI's and an esophogram (almost the same thing) She only refluxed on 1. 1 was completely normal, and the esophogram showed her emptying delay and a small hiatal hernia, but still no reflux. So don't get discouraged by the upper gi, if it is normal. It is common, and only a short window in time as far as reflux goes. Em doesn't reflux with her bottles all the time, usually like an hour or so afterward. So that is why her refluxing doesn't always show up. I am sure it is the same with Eric. He doesn't constantly reflux I am sure, so the very short time that the ugi takes may or may not catch it.

Don't get down on yourself. You just want to know what is going on so you can help your baby...plain and simple. It's not that you *want* something to be wrong, you already *know* something is, you just want somebody to find it. (((HUGS!))) I hope you find some answers.

Minnie the thing is you are Erics mum and you know him better than anyone will or ever will. I don't think you are weird at all, I know cause I have thought the exact same thing. You see if there is nothing wrong with him then, there is something a lot worse wrong with me (KWIM). Our testing was quite a while ago now but I still remembering feeling like that.

When we had the endoscopy it came back clean the Dr pretty much told us that he doesn't have reflux, then with the probe he had a great day, I thought he was cured. Well the Dr was flabbergasted at how much reflux he has compared to the good state of esophegous. I have only recently found out the results fully as well.

I remember in the beginning a Dr telling me that there was nothing wrong with Parker and that he was just highly strung, well in the back of my mind I always thought that it was me who just couldn't handle it. I am so glad that I have no guessing now, I know that Parker has this, I know how to deal with it and now I also know that he is going to get better.

The waiting is the worst part, you do become obsessed about it, I did, but when you get the news you just deal with it. You are definately not weird, you would be weird if you weren't concerned for your baby. Try and stop reasearching OK, it gives too many possibilities and you will worry for nothing, that I agree with!

Minnie, I don't think it's weird at all! At least if they find something you know why he's having problems and can hopefully find a way to help him where as if everything comes up fine you're back to square one with no answers. As far as the dreams and obsessing over it I've totally been there. Maybe try to get out and do something fun to take your mind off things. I hope the test results come back quickly so you can stop thinking about them! Hang in there:hug:

I'm the same way with Owen's results. We did the RAST and it all came back normal. Now I'm trying to be more aggressive with finding out why he is not handling foods well and I'm afraid that everything will show up normal as well. Ugh, I am also less worried if something is wrong than we could at least treat it. You are not alone with your thoughts.

Ya know, after I posted this I started thinking, and there's no way that there aren't people here at IRD that feel the same way.
It is crazy, but when your in this situation...
I'm sure everyone here had panicked about tests and exams in the same way. Reflux is just like that. I remember when Eric was a newborn and I brought him into the ER saying "Something is wrong. He quits breathing" and Eric was all coos and smiles. "Yeah, babies do that sometimes."
and after that I was so worried that they would think I was crazy every time I brought him in to the docs for anything.
I never took him to the ER again. I felt so stupid.

Anyway, I feel much better now.
THANKS

This is one of the few times I have not read all the posts but I wanted to say you are not alone Minnie. When Iain was first diagnosed and put on reflux meds it was clear we were on the right path. He was scoped about 6 weeks later and I was beside myself researching all the horrid things he could have had as a part of me did not believe that "just reflux" could cause so many complications. When his scope came back "normal" except for blood found in his stomach (leftover from esophagitis) I wondered why on earth did I have the wee thing subjected to two scopes in the first place? In retrospect it was worth it to rule other things out and give us peace of mind.

Now I am going through this with Curran and his possible celiac. Do I put him on a gluten free diet and risk skewing or mucking up the scopes? The answer is likely yes. Whatever it is I will take my chances and perhaps he will not need a scope in the long run. We will see. I am thinking that despite everything this kid has gone through his scopes may very well come back "normal" and I will have lost some months of doing something.

It is not awful to want a definitive answer for problems. Until we got IT IS GERD for our boys our minds went wild with possibilities. It is human nature to want answers and it is not like you are wishing for something other than a path to go down to care for your child. Hugs.

You are not weird at all and definitely not alone in your thinking. I am going through the exact same thing with Chelsea and her upcoming endoscopy. I dont even need to expalin it, because you could have been speaking my mind! Know that the upper GI will likely be normal. Dont get discouraged...something will come up as they go on with the testing. Chelsea has had 3 upper GIs and they were all normal. We know her GI tract is not normal!!!!

Minnie, when we took E in for his emptying scan after all we had been through, and they hooked him up to that machine and I sat and watched his tummy NOT EMPTY I cried and I cried, you know what? They were tears of relief and joy, not sadness that he wasn't empting, it was joy that I could finally physically see that something WAS wrong that we could physically see and depend on, and now I knew it needed to be fixed for my baby. I can't explain that moment but it was a relieving moment for me, big time. I felt like I had finally done something to help my son. Just by seeing his little swollen tummy on that screen. An hour and a half later we left that building, and his tummy was still bulging full but we had a plan and hope.

Minnie - I hear you too! I am the exact same way! Sam does the "I'm fine" act everytime I take him into the clinic. The only way we get anything done is that we have to wait so darn long that they eventually see it. I feel really stupid as well.

We too had three upper GI's with normal results so I hope your results are better than Sam's!

Hugs!

Ya know since I posted this I have more confidence. I Do still question everything, but heck!
How many people think their babies have reflux or GI problems for 20+ months and have it not be the case at all?? My guess is NO ONE could be that freakin confused, or have that much of an imagination about their child's health. Unless they were a complete lunatic. I may be a little crazy, but ...

Something will show up eventually and I'l finally be able to help Eric better. That I'm sure of.

Minnie - I think you are right. You haven't gotten a definate - Yes, Eric has reflux - either? Us neither. No diagnosis, but everyone thinks that he is getting better but DH and I! I know exactly what you are going through.

I don't think that you are that confused to be making this up! How would you even make this up? Although, I was watching a rerun of grey's anatomy and there WAS a crazy lunatic on there using a drug (she was a pharmacy tech) that was causing her to have some real symptoms for heart problems. Little did she know it would turn her urine blue. Ha - So they could be out there!!

Seriously - I hope you do get some answers for little Eric!! Even if it just confirmes reflux for you!